Anne Malcom

“When your life has been full of light and happiness, the first eclipse that casts a shadow over everything seems like it’s going to last forever. But it won’t. It doesn’t. The light will come back, shine brighter than ever, and you’ll be the stronger person for it,” I promised her softly.

“Seriously, I’m only up at this hour on a Saturday because I made the mistake of letting my daughter think it was okay to eat healthy and exercise. What’s your excuse?”

I didn’t cry. I hadn’t let a man have my tears in sixteen years, I wasn’t about to start now. I also hadn’t had a man hurt me in sixteen years, and I was afraid that I had just opened that door. This time it wasn’t with fists or kicks. It was with cold stares and cutting dismissals.

Yeah, he didn’t expect some bitch to make his cock twitch, make his demons quiet and make him laugh all at once.

I frowned at her. “Well, that’s got to stop. No more surfing the net for ridiculous health foods. Strictly porn and gambling from now on,” I ordered.

I turned serious and shook my head with pride. “How’d I get such an awesome kid?” Her face turned solemn. “I think someone seriously screwed up at the hospital.”

“You sure you’re not harboring some secret resentment for me yanking you away from your school, your friends, and you’re not going to make it known one day by declaring you are into the black arts and demanding to be called Moon Shadow?” I asked.

And if that wasn’t possible, if she was gone forever, to take him. Wherever it was that you went after. Take him as well so he could escape the pain and the weight of the guilt he felt. So she wouldn’t be alone. That he wouldn’t be alone.

“‘Cause this,” he squeezed my body, “is precious to me. Every time this knows pain, mental or physical, I feel it too. I want you to remember that. Take care of yourself, Lily. You’re taking care of me at the same time,” he told me softly.

“Strength comes in lots of different forms, Lily. It doesn’t make you weak if you let life knock you down. It makes you strong that you can stay standing for this long,” he said. “I know what it’s like to run, Flower. To believe if you change who you are it might mean that it won’t recognize you, that you won’t feel the extent of the loss the old you endured,” he spoke quietly, with something underneath his raspy words.

"Being truly beautiful is when you’ve known suffering, fought demons at the depths of despair and managed to claw your way out. Managed to smile again. Managed to laugh, to live, to love. That’s eternal. That’s you.”

"I hate that for you, Lily. That you have to struggle with something I can never fix. It doesn’t define you. How you handle it, who you become in spite of that shit defines you. Who you are, it’s pretty fuckin’ impressive,” he said.

“Some people think I’m quiet. Shy. Others think I’m rude. The vast majority of people don’t understand what it’s like being unable to control your mind’s reaction to situations. Crowds. Strangers. Anything unexpected really. It’s like an illness you can’t cure. One that you can only manage.” I took a strangled breath, even talking about it made me anxious. “I used to wish that it was a physical illness. Because then at least there’d be a cure. An end. Being trapped in your own head is not something I’d wish on anyone,” I whispered brokenly.

“You can’t expect to fix yourself, ‘cause you’re not broken, flower, just bruised.”

“I’ll always be here when you need me, Lily,” he uttered. “And I’ll always need you, too,” he said in a much quieter voice.

“Good thing I don’t wanna be your boyfriend,” he stated flatly. “What I am is your man.”

"People like to judge based on what they think a good person should look like. Good people come in all shapes and sizes, just like bad. Don’t you forget it,”

Somehow, during that time, I realized the difference between a good life and a bad life was attitude. If I held onto that anger that I had at the world for the shitty hand I was dealt, it’d turn me into.

"You’ll always be the girl that radiates happiness and goodness, the one with no fuckin’ filter, and a brain that comes out with craziest of shit.”

This was all moving at the speed of light. I felt like I’d just won the emotional lottery. How could getting knocked out at a biker bar equate to getting everything you’d always wanted?